Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

If you have never seen the movie ‘Priscilla, Queen of the Desert’ you really should. It is a great movie about resilience and being the person you were meant to be. I love this movie….and love the soundtrack 40 times more. A must have for any musico. The reason I quote this movie is the fact that I have not felt so resilient lately. My follow-up with the FS is on Monday and I am so anxious. I am so afraid that the M/C and the D&C have caused some other issue that may delay my next IVF cycle. But…honestly, I am very anxious for the next IVF cycle. What if I can’t handle it emotionally? What if it is a BFN and I fall apart? What if, what if, what if?

IVF is such a ‘what if’ game and I usually approach it full of hope and positivity, but I am struggling to find the positive energy. I know that I need to dig deep and find it as I am a believer in positive thinking….but I am tired…

I have a plan to try and refocus, but it is so hard. My husband has been a true partner and supported me completely, but the M/C has affected his confidence as well. So we are fighting our way back. I know we will get there, but IVF is so hard. For the first time I feel like infertility has beaten us up emotionally and physically.

Just before our last cycle, my husband and I started using guided meditation. I have to say…it worked for me. It improved my mood, my confidence and helped me sleep. Since the M/C I have not been as regimented in my meditation routine, so I am going to go back and refocus on me and my mental well-being.

IVF is tough…I need to be tougher.

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