Dazed and Confused

I need to book a follow-up with my FS.  I need to find out what our next steps are.  I have been looking into DE and it is totally freaking me out.  It is amazing how open I am…until those donors are right in front of you staring you in the face.  It’s weird, but I feel like I am giving my life over to some unknown person.  I am definitely not emotionally ready for this yet.  It all seems like science-fiction to me.

I have started thinking that maybe we should try once more with my own eggs, maybe we shouldn’t give up to DE yet.  Maybe it was just a fluke that I had two unsuccessful pregnancies.  But then again I really don’t want to waste my time or money on another failed IVF, just to then move to DE.

I am feeling so confused and still so sad.  Feeling a little hopeless today.  Why is life so hard?  I will continue to be mad at the universe for exactly 3 more minutes…then I will go eat death by chocolate ice cream and get over myself.

There is one brave lady that I have followed on her IF journey for a while now.   I went back into her blog history…..it was last year around December, when she made the decision to switch over to DE.  It helped a lot, as I could relate to a lot of her concerns at the time.  She is now preggers with twins…so happy for her.  Her story gives me hope every single day.  She reminded me to be hopeful.  So here is to a switcheroo….Hope=1, Despair=0


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