So I have a secret. I didn’t want to post about it, because I thought I was being a bit crazy. My period was late and I was feeling….pregnant. Having been pregnant twice this year, I recognised that early feeling. For me, it is like you have a bubble, or space in your uterus (which is what it is!). My abdomen always goes rock hard pretty quick and I was having crazy dreams again. I told myself that I would carry on as normal and would only do a test once my period was at least two weeks late. I had some brown spotting that subsided…so was hopeful. However, the day before I told myself I would test my period came in full force and has been extremely heavy and has not stopped. Another confirmation to me that something happend with the heavier than normal period. So I cannot confirm it…but feel pretty confident that something happend.
How do I feel about it? I was convinced I was pregnant, so the thought of actually being able to conceive without IVF was for the first time ever…..an amazing feeling that miracles can happen. I have been at this so long now that whenever I see those ‘spontaneous natural’ conceptions from other IVF’ers I was always a little pessimistic about the possiblities. Now, I believe it and that is something I never ever imagined could be a possibility. A small window of hope has opened…although it closed when my period arrived. I told my DH when I was about 7 days late (I have a clockwork cycle by the way) because I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I shouldn’t have told him because he was so devastated when my period came, but I needed to share it. We were both pretty sad with the outcome, but a little excited about the possibility that we could actually fall pregnant without injections and scans and our FS seeing my hoo-hoo more than DH. Although we were disappointed when my period came…it turned on a little ray of light that we didn’t have before. We felt normal, for the first time.
If we were pregnant, the fact that it ended early does not bode well for my eggs. Since it would have been natural selection, the chances are that my eggs are just not good enough quality anymore. It just reinforces for me that DE may be our next step. On a positive note. For the first time in many years…I am actually counting days and thinking about ovulation and timed BD’ing. We haven’t done that since 2008! So we’ll give it a whirl and see what happens…..of course with absolutely no expectations given our history. But we will have fun with it!