Numbers game

Infertility sucks the big one! I am caught in this horrible trap of counting. Counting cycle days, counting possible Day 1’s, counting how much money I need for the next IVF. Counting the pregnancy week I would have been in had I not miscarried in May. Damn numbers….

My due date would have been 27 Dec. I kept telling myself to not focus on something that will not be, but that date has always stuck in my head! It is so hard not to think about it. I can’t believe how much time I take staring at my calendar counting out 28 days. It is bordering on neurotic. Numbers…..go away. This Christmas is going to be a tough one….but only if I allow it. Therefore, I refuse. I will not let the pain of yesterday haunt my today. I will have a great Christmas holiday and I will focus on the future. Add a giant glass of wine and I will cope.

One glass of wine….mwah ah ah. Two glasses of wine….mwah ah ah….

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One thought on “Numbers game

  1. Lets drink to counting ….

    jokes aside, I am so sorry. I was lying here in bed reading your post and the tears were running down my cheeks for your pain and yes for myself. I don’t know your pain of the 27th but I will be thinking of you on the day.

    Merry christmas to you xxx

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