Old – but only through the eyes of IF

I feel like June cannot come soon enough…I want to start IVF now and see what happens. I want to know my outcome! If only we had a crystal ball. Although these couple of months preparation are also important. I want my mind and body as prepared as they can be…..although I don’t believe you are ever ready.

I have been thinking a lot of getting older…it has never really bothered me before, but it is growing in the back of my mind. With my next IVF I will be in the 38+ group, a group that FS’s give an even lower success rate. I know lots of 38+ who have been successful, but they are not me…..yet. Hope….hope…..hope! I always want to be ‘young at heart’, but isn’t there a phrase like ‘young at ovary’? It just sucks because we have been at this for several years and each year I feel we have ‘age’ as another barrier to our infertility. I asked DH if he is ready to move to adoption….he’s not yet. I was hoping to do both. His desire to have a biological child is much stronger than mine. Although he is very open to DE, so there is still that option. I don’t know…I just want a family whatever way it comes. I also want the stress of IVF out of my life! But I will give IVF another chance in 2012, we will see what this year holds.

I am going to start my meditations visualizing me pregnant. It is actually not that difficult with my sweet purring cat laying on my tummy!


2 thoughts on “Old – but only through the eyes of IF

  1. Can I please borry Kittie πŸ™‚ If I were you I would have lost the plot long time ago already. Waiting is hmmmm not nice, lets leave it there. I so get what you mean by saying wanting to have a family no matter what or how. I wish you the best of luck and I truely hope this will be the last IVF cycle for you. I will keep my fingers crossed. Maybe I will not be to far behind you with my cycle πŸ™‚ ok I am being hopefull but as soon as the money are in the bank I want to start the process and do my DE IVF as soon as possible. I will kill people, anybody if I have to wait to much longer πŸ™‚ Sorry I am rambling. Good luck and keep the faith

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