The Unknown….the hardest part

I resigned from my job this week. I was able to negotiate a January start with my new employer, so I will finish out the year with my current employer. It was tough. I have been with this company for a long time and have such a great team…it was difficult. Although I am super excited about my new job, change is always difficult.

I have been thinking a lot about change this week. The other morning I asked DH to really start thinking about adoption. I need to book my follow-up with our FS. We will push to try DE, but not sure what our timeline will be as we will need to identify a donor. I started to panic about the timing and starting my new job; where there is travel involved. But I have stopped my brain from planning too much and worrying. It will work out however it needs to be.

I have been thinking more and more about being a childless couple….wondering if that is what my life is going to be. I have been trying to get DH to think about adoption, but I can tell it is still not an option for him. I want a family….but at what cost?…and on who’s terms? Man…..I never thought my life would be like this.

Life really is unpredictable. You need to embrace all of the good….or else you spend all of your time focusing on what you don’t have. I really hope we have a family, but if we don’t can I accept that? The honest truth is I don’t know. I really don’t know.

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