I am now 42 years old, I’ve been married for 10 years and we tried to fall pregnant for 5 years before we were finally successful….twice!
Since 2008 I have had all the exploratory tests and procedures. I have stage 3 endometriosis and my dear husband has very low quality sperm morphology. We had six unsuccessful IVF ICSI’s with the fourth and fifth ending in a glorious BFP only to have them end in a miscarriage at 7 weeks with the fourth and a chemical pregnancy with the fifth. I have the best fertility team ever and have been with them since the beginning…they hold me up every day. With my age, my AMH came back at 0.5 and with all of our previous failed attempts, we decided to move on to donor eggs for IVF#7 which happened in July 2013. we tested in August and we had a BFP! I did my first scan at 7 weeks and we have one beautiful heartbeat!
Our beautiful son was born in March 2014. In July 2015 we decided to give it one more go – if our donor was on board – to try for a sibling. We were successful our first round with fraternal twins! The beautiful twins – a boy and a girl – arrived safely, both weighing a healthy 3kgs each at 38 weeks in July 2016. So after many years of heartache and tears….a lot of money and thinking we would never have children…we are now a beautiful family of five!
So what have I learned? Here are my words for those of you who have stumbled across my journey.
For those of you just starting out with IVF – I pray your journey is short, successful and nothing like mine.
For those of you on the long road of IVF without success yet – It is unbearable, unfair and devastating at times in ways we never expected. Small steps and don’t give up. Be open to all options.
For those of you who have experienced miscarriage – it was one of my darkest times. I had no idea of the heavy emotional reaction I would have. Take time to heal. No matter how early the loss, it is real and heartbreaking. Many of us who have experienced miscarriage have gone on to have another BFP. Miscarriage may change your IVF experience by creating a more intense anxiety about getting a BFP again, but start again when you are ready. You will know when you are ready.
For those of you who have finally heard a heartbeat, are heavily pregnant, delivered their baby or found their baby through adoption – I have always felt so much jealousy towards you…it has been hard at times to be congratulatory toward you and very hard to accept your console in the dark times. But I have now heard the heartbeat and felt the anxiety lift, and feel like I have conquered a long and sometimes desperate battle. I still have battle scars, but it is going to be ok, and I am glad I never gave up.