So I decided to take the high road with my sisters….again…..and I must tell you the air up here is thin and I am starting to feel woozy. I had really hoped that by reaching out to them and putting the ball in their court to tell me what they want, could open up a discussion where I could negotiate with them and let them know gently what would work for DH and me. Well I should have known better….as it backfired royally.
So here was the bulk of my email to my three sisters and my Mom.
I sent them the pic of my little belly above, some info on how many weeks I am, when my next scan is and how I can’t believe Sister#1 had already planned a trip before we knew we were pregnant……and cue olive branch, “We are planning to come home Christmas 2014, so the baby will be around 7-8 months by then and much more exciting and interesting. If you want to come and visit before then, let’s skype and see what works. Love you guys and wishing I was closer.”
So I waited (as there is a 6-9 hour time difference) and a little later in the day I received the following responses.
“so crazy and so exciting…can’t wait to see photos as you grow! Loved your update and looking forward to more! Love ya”
Very nice…left me with a warm and fuzzy and so happy I have my sisters even though they are far away.
“ahhhhhhhh! what a DELIGHTFUL email!! such a lovely topic and so inclusive and communicative…made my friday! I am not coming for the birth, not that i wouldn’t love to be there, but i will only have one trip in the next few years and i want to make sure it counts! So i’m going to save mine until after you come here for christmas. xoxo
Okay, again very nice. A little passive aggressive jab at the beginning as she is mad that Sister#1 and my mom have already made plans and she believes it should have been discussed with her…but I’ll let that go in the spirit of family. However, I was particularly amused at the part where she states she is not coming to the birth. Well that was the first time I had heard she was wanting to do that. What ever happened to common courtesy, to ask people when it would be a good time to visit, instead of telling them when you will visit.
“I agree, good to get some communication. So it looks like I have to sit through a Skype session to explain why I feel like I should be a part of this lol … Some things never change eh folks. Well don’t you all worry… I will not be showing up unannounced, I will not be skyping my feelings and I will not be able to come home for Xmas next year as I can’t have two years in a row. So there you go…. My itinerary… None of you have to worry, you are all in the clear:) Love…”
Wowzers! So this is the sister who I get a happy birthday text once a year and had been planning with my Mom to come and visit. I promptly told my mother that she hadn’t even sent me a message when she found out I was pregnant, I had to send a message a few days later and I had heard nothing of her wanting to come. I told my mom it would be nice if she picked up the phone and actually spoke to me about her plans. So she is just an angry person and I figure no matter what you say, she will be angry.
So a little hurt by some. Poor Sister#1 is getting it bad though from the other sisters for making plans without consulting them….since when did we become a collective? So I feel really bad for her, because she doesn’t deserve their mean and misdirected anger.
I wanted to fire back a message to tell them to grow the f*** up, but decided that would only fuel the fire. I thought maybe I should call them individually…but I know two of them do not have the capacity to listen to anyone else’s feelings other than their own. So it would just upset me more.
What hurts the most is that I know my Mom and Sister#1 are incredibly sad after reading those emails….and I think it is just so mean how my two other sisters victimize them. Although my Mom and Sister#2 allow them to bully them.
I am not sure what I am going to do. I think I will let it simmer down for a few days.