I have been thinking a lot lately about whether IVF is ever going to work for us. Will I ever be pregnant? I look at all the amazing ladies whom I have followed for the last several years and their journey’s have been ‘treacherous’ at times and now they are sitting with pregnancies, awaiting the arrival of their adopted babies, just had their babies and even twins! I used to find so much strength in their stories, but I have to admit I am finding it hard to read their posts and enjoy all their happiness. Infertility is so so so hard. It is made even more difficult when you finally find the support from ladies you have something in common with….and then you lose that when they become pregnant. I know…these ladies can say, “but I still remember the challenges and depression I went through while we were busy with IVF.” It is just different. I am really feeling left behind. I want to be tired, up all night, feeding, changing, holding…..loving. I am so tired of being the one always wondering, hoping, waiting.
I have been thinking more and more of adoption. Maybe my children are not biologically mine….maybe that is how this story ends. I am just tired of waiting, tired of not having control, tired of the disappointment….tired of not knowing when this misery will end. Just plain tired.