Patron Saint of Childless People….ugh

I am waiting on AF. Of course she is late and with Lucrin she is always really late. I am constantly on my calendar calculating potential ER dates, but until AF comes it is hard to determine a -within 3 day- potential calendar span. I usually do ER around Day 12 – 14, at least that has been my average. I did have a Day 17 ER, but that was when I did short protocol the first couple of IVF’s…that feels so long ago.

I am doing well, staying off the wine….that one is hard. I am still losing, down almost another kg. So doing well. My sleep is not so good the last couple of days, so I need to get a handle on that. At least it is Friday, so I can hopefully do some catch up on rest this weekend, although science says there is no such thing as ‘catching up’ on sleep.

My lovely cat has just joined me for my morning rooibos. Then DH will give me my Lucrin injection in a few minutes.

I have included a picture of Saint Anne, Patron Saint of Childless People – I am a lapsed Catholic, or as my mother would say – a heathen – but I love the potential of Saints. I actually just love the gold-gilded art. (I can hear my mother sighing)

First shot…..put ’em up!


Well today was the first injection of the next 30 or so that will take me through my next IVF cycle. I don’t mind the Lucrin, the needles are fine, there is no mixing and it is only in the morning. It is Day 3 when the Menopur shots kick in that I start getting very anxious….those needles are big! The sister spoke to me of a possible Menopur Fostimon mix for stimulation, as they have had positive results with women *huge sigh* my age. We shall see what my FS recommends on Day 3. He also suggested a low dose anti-coagulent, so not sure if that is still on the table. I am still waiting for my AMH results. I am sure they are in…but they haven’t contacted me. I should give them a ring.

I did something I said I wasn’t going to do. I told someone about my upcoming IVF cycle. She is a good friend and colleague and I know she will keep it tight. She has been hinting at it for a while with me, so I am sure she already knew. She has also been through several rounds of IVF, but years ago before they decided to adopt. It is nice to not have secrets, but it is also added stress having other people know. I am hoping it will be fine. Anyways, cats out of the bag now with her…so not much I can do.

Last night DH and I went out for a ‘we’re making a baby’ dinner. Very nice little Italian spot. Of course DH had a glass of wine, coffee….the works….me nada. I am off the wine completely this time, as even a little bit impacts my sleep and I really want to be in top form. Unless it gets hairy and I might have to sneak a sip. Anywho….we had a nice dinner and chatted a lot about just seeing what happens. We are prepared to do another cycle before the end of the year. So we will take it as it comes.

One week until we start IVF#6

I haven’t had much to write about lately. We start our long protocol in exactly one week. I am anxious to start and get through all the little milestones. I have had a short-fuse lately and I think it has to do with the anxiety and expectation for this next cycle. I get angry, then I cry uncontrollably….this is how I know I am stressed to the max.

I had quite a big promotion at work about two months ago…and it is a lot of work. Too much. I am definitely feeling a lot of added pressure. The salary increase is amazing, especially with an IVF round coming up….but money isn’t everything. I am going to have to re-organize at work for the next couple of weeks, as I know I cannot handle work and IVF at the rate I am currently going.

During this upcoming cycle I have scheduled weekly massages, and I am meditating both morning and evening now. DH is really being amazing and helping me wind down and focus on the positive. I am not sleeping very well so need to get that under control. On the positive side I have lost 10kgs, so I have met my goal of losing some weight before IVF. That feels good….I still have another 10-15 to go, but I am on my way. Slow and steady wins the race!

Aliens, CS Lewis and Lucrin

This morning I am picking up my bag ‘o drugs at the FS office. I am excited at the possibilities ahead, but feeling a little anxious that I am once again on this doorstep. We will be doing long protocol and I start Lucrin injections next Sunday.

DH an I had a fabulous wknd. Dinner with friends both nights and a very relaxing Sunday. We went to see the new movie Prometheus (I was too tired to fight for a more compatible movie), but I enjoy Ridley Scott so thought I would give it a whirl. Well….it was a little crazy and very strange, but is was Sci-Fi after all. The reason I bring it up is that the underlying storyline was about the possibility of searching and meeting the ‘creator’ of humans. There is a lot of talk and action around birth and death in the movie. I am sure if you deconstructed the story it would be about our need as humans to pursue our past and secure our future.

I know that for a lot of people the next obvious connection is to “Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe” the movie and connect it to the bible – funny how we seek out familiar patterns – but I was not there at all with this movie. I felt it was more about the ‘human’ role and need.

Okay, I obviously have reproduction on the brain and for 7am in the morning…I am pretty sure this is more babbling then rationale thought. Anyways, I am just excited to be starting again. Like IVFs before, I love the beginning…just hope I love the end.

One last thought….I love CS Lewis. I would love to do a CS Lewis themed nursery. There used to be a children’s bookstore at Yorkville Mall in Toronto called ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’. I wonder if it is still there?

Ok, this post is officially jumbled now.

DIY IVF

It is Day 10 and I still haven’t called the FS…well that is not totally true. I did call twice, but it was busy. I also need to call before 1pm….so I often get busy at work and then realise it is past 1pm….@*#!

I am so old hat with my FS that I am not so concerned. I call, he agrees with my plan, I pick up my meds and see him around Day 3 of my next cycle….no biggie. I am pretty much on the DIY IVF plan…if only I had my own ultrasound machine 😉

I will call today.

Another year, another chance.

So a few days ago I officially turned 38. A weird day for me as all I thought about was my infertility and that my age is a definite factor. My DH has been fabulous and really acknowledged my sadness over another year and no babies….yet. It was so nice to be able to feel a little sad on my birthday and not to be told that I should be celebrating. I’m not really a big fan of birthdays anyways…but DH still made it special just for us. My DH is so amazing and sweet.

Today is Day 3, we are supposed to be starting our Lucrin shots on Day 21. I am assuming we are doing long protocol again as that is where we have had the most success. Need to call the FS…and so it begins….again.

The new year – always a slow sloth-like start!

Well Happy Happy Happy New Year to everyone! May this be an amazing year of great success and good fortune for all of you.

DH and I had a very low-key holiday season for a change and did a lot of reading, watching movies and other general sloth-like behaviour. It was great! We spent lots of time with our furbabies and they really helped pull me our of my Christmas ‘funk’….as they too often do. What would I do without them?
If you are looking for a little escapism, DH and I read all three of ‘The Hunger Games’ books over Christmas and loved every second of it. I know they are busy with the movies and they better not ruin the books…although I hear Lenny Kravitz is playing Cinna, and everyone loves Lenny!

DH and I are unsure of our next IVF. I thought January, but I am just not in that headspace yet. I will most likely do a long protocol again. The last two cycles were our most successful and they were both with long protocol. I am very uncomfortable playing around with our protocol at this stage.

So I am back at work…blech! Why can’t we go back to pioneer days when we all sowed crops and tilled the fields. It sounds so much more interesting and self-sustaining. I guess that would mean our sloth-like tendencies would have to go. Shame….I enjoy a little sloth now and again. Work is dragging as I am trying to pick up my feet and get back into the rythym of actually thinking clearly. Lucky me, I landed back and the first thing they asked me was to put together some statistical reporting…..blech! How dare they ask in January of all months. Don’t they know my mind is like molasses at the moment. Oh well, maybe it will pull some of the cobwebs from my very sleepy head.

Hope you enjoy a picture of one of my furbabies being a sloth. Mind you a very very cute one!