Nervous…feeling faint

  So my HCG came back today.  7dp5dt and my result is 135!!!  I am freaking out.  It is quite high.  I do my second test on Sunday, so I will have a better sense of how much to freak out depending on the doubling.

Trying to breath and not freak out about something I have not confirmed.  But still freaking a little.

Turned tables

We have two beautiful embies back on board.  Very exciting!

Something very strange has happened though.  For those of you who have followed us know that this is our eighth cycle…and we have never had more than a few embies.  Never very good quality and never any left to freeze.

So after the transfer we were told we have 9 embies left that are high enough quality to freeze.  My first thought was ‘why could this not have happend 5 years ago!‘  

We spoke to the embryologist and the two embryos we transferred today and two of the remaining embies were of much higher quality than the ones in our last cycle that led to my beautiful son!  So we decided to freeze 6 of the remaining embies. Our back up in case this cycle doesn’t work out.

I just can’t believe that our best cycle was our last.  Also for the first time we have snowbabies that we may never use.  It is so sad to have snowbabies.  I am so sad that we have created all this potential life…I am left feeling so greedy and flippant about the creation of life.  I keep thinking of my son as an embie and this could have been him.  On ice…insurance.  Plan B.  It makes it feel like throwing out leftovers into the bin.  I feel guilty.  I need to make peace with this.

Testing on 13 November 🙂