So I have been very quiet. I just really didn’t have anything to say about infertility….until today. I took a break, I ‘tried’ not to think about it or stress or put any pressure on myself. I started a new job this year and it has been amazing, but has not been an easy transition.
I went to the hospital today to pick up my new bite plate (for my TMJ). The OMF surgeons office happens to be a floor down from my FS. On the way out I thought about popping by my FS office to book an appointment to get the ball rolling again. Then I decided not to because I was on my way to another meeting. Just as I turned into the parking, I bumped into a woman I used to work with now and again. She was obviously very pregnant. This is her first child. I knew she was older and that she had been married for a while….I alway suspected she was ‘one of us’, but I would never ever ask anyone. She started to tell me her story and about her now miracle baby only 5 weeks away from arriving. I shared with her that I was also part of the Vet IF club. I never share….so this was big for me. I asked her how old she was and she told me 41 this year. I told her that I am 40 next year and figured I was pretty much done after this year. Then….unexpectedly….out of nowhere…..I burst into tears in the hospital parking lot. I was so surprised by my emotion. I have become so detached from this whole process, more as a coping mechanism then anything else. You have to harden yourself if you are going to survive long term IF. She was awesome, really great even though I was a puddle. Now just as I was trying to gain my composure……my FS walked past! I wasn’t looking directly at him, so we didn’t greet but he saw me. A sign! I am convinced! I must get back on this horse.
Anyways, I am convinced that my emotion was more about hope than despair. To see a 41 year old pregnant with her first…it is still possible….I can’t give up. I am still a puddle of tears, today has obviously opened something I have been pushing down for the last couple of months. So I will call to book an appointment tomorrow. Break is over.
Sorry I’ve been quiet….but I know all of you understand the need to take a break.