Bubble boy deflection

Well the saga continues, my boss has decided to make the next two weeks very difficult. I am getting a lot of support from my colleagues and friends who are just as dumbfounded about this whole situation….although those who know my boss are actually not that surprised.

So I am trying to stay focused on the high road and not letting him drag me down to his level. I have a scan on Friday and can’t wait as I am so nervous all this stress is not good for baba. Once I see everything is fine…I think I will breathe easier.

In your quiet, calm, relaxed, happy for life moments….send me a bit of that beautiful energy. I need a strong barrier against the negativity that is being hurled at me at the moment. I keep picturing bubble boy! Ha ha!


I hope karma exists

So today I was laid-off of my job. I have three weeks, no severance, no nothing. I hate my boss and he is a super-asshole who probably has a lot of bad karma coming back in his direction. I hadn’t planned on renewing my contract at the end of the year…but never thought he would be so heartless to lay-off a pregnant lady right before Christmas. Some people….I am not sure how they sleep at night.

So I am in a bit of shock. I will be ok, I already have some potential work for 2014….but nothing in writing yet. I am sure this is all for the best…but hard to not feel blind sided and anxious at the moment.

I need to go home and have a good cry with hubby then let it go. Hopefully baba is nice and chill and not feeling my stress.

Screw Kate Middleton

Shame…..I feel bad already just because of my title. The poor woman. She has been in the spotlight -on bump watch- since the day she was married. If she was to struggle with infertility, the microscope she is already under would bring unbelievable pressure that I don’t wish on anyone. But…I still feel a massive pang of jealousy. Marry your Prince….fall pregnant a year and a half later. Lucky bitch. Infertility brings out the selfishness we didn’t realise we had.

If only my life could also be a fairytale. But it is not….I don’t see my fairytale coming anytime soon. The only train I see coming is 40……ugh.

Well, dear Kate. I am happy for you…truly. The last thing you need on your plate is infertility. So I am happy that you were able to dodge this bullet that so many women suffer from. And when I say suffer….I mean it. I try not to ‘suffer’, but regardless of what type of feminist or women’s liberation or rights-based approach you adhere to….

It is in our genetic coding to want, seek, value, prize, focus, embrace our ability to procreate. When we don’t have that, or struggle with it, we are challenged with our ultimate femininity. I try to focus on all the things I have and have accomplished. I think of strong, intelligent women who never had children of their own….most of them unknown to the public. My closest lady-friends who never had their own. I love them….but can I accept that path for myself? Not yet. But it is not a path you choose…one that unforgivingly chooses you. Deep, deep sigh.

My lot? I hope not. But how much do you give up for what you want…..? A fine balance my dear Rohinton. Hope can take you places, but reality is a bitter pill.